Thoughts Upon Saying Goodbye, and Hello

Tonight marks the absolute last of my one month here in Paris - a month which has, to my surprise, turned out to be one of the most enriching and eye-opening times of my life, as cheesy as that sounds (fromage!). But, in truth, it has been truly amazing to observe (and participate a bit in) a culture, a lifestyle, a way of appreciating life in a manner which has proved so different from any I've experienced before. Spending a month here has renewed in me a sense of awe and respect for humanity, for culture and beauty across the world, and especially (for me) a happy reminder that friends can be found anywhere, regardless of time place or circumstance.

I, like most others I'm sure, have never been particularly fond of saying goodbye - in fact, its one of those moments in life that I absolutely dread, for they always bring up the deepest of emotions in me, and often just at the moment when its almost too late to explain or act upon them. And so, I was very unhappy to leave my summer program friends who have become the best fellow city explorers I could ask for. But as a wise friend of mine once said (I'm lucky enough to have quite a few of those), we have to have the Goodbyes so we can enjoy the Hellos (or something like that, eh Dan?) - and he couldn't be more right, although they still remain one of my more abhorred moments.

This time in particular however, I can't help but feel like tonight's goodbye to Paris as a city is more of a see you soon than a real goodbye, because, in fact, I am very honored to announce that I have been accepted into the international exchange program at Sciences Po in Paris (through Berkeley of course), and I have, tentatively, for the moment, accepted my admittance.

I use such wishy washy language in an attempt to explain what I have been feeling for a couple months now - an uncertainty and inexplicable unfulfilment that, interestingly enough, set in just after what most (and I included) would call a major success in my otherwise quite uneventful life. The truth is that once the craziness of the time cleared and the storm clouds lifted, it was as if all the truths of my life, all the holes and hills and bumps became painfully well illuminated, in such a way that metaphorically hurt my eyes to look at them. In the face of those uneven bits of my life as it stands today, I wavered and in fact am still wavering a bit between leaving again for Paris next spring or staying at Cal through my junior year, because the truth is, as much as I have loved Paris, I have loved my life at Cal, which so far I have had two wonderful years to nurture and develop. To leave would be, as the verb denotes, to leave all of that behind, and to find what? One can never be sure, though my usual inner optimist begs me to relax.

And after quite of bit of discussion with friends and family, and especially locals familiar with the Sciences Po education I would be getting, I have begun to see that an opportunity like this is not one to be given up lightly. The exposure to another type of academic greatness, the chance to rub shoulders with bright minds from across the world, the challenge of staying afloat academically and personally in a vastly different environment, albeit one I am now a bit more familiar with - opportunities like these don't come along any old day, and they are guaranteed to change your life (to paraphrase another wise friend of mine, this time Jeff). So despite my wariness and reluctance to let go (which is relatively new to my life, by the way), I do think I will end up coming back, if only to avoid the ever-terrible, ever-haunting "what if?" question of life.

I have no idea where a semester spent in Paris will take me later on in life - in truth, I've never quite imagined France, or Europe in general for that matter, playing a large role in my life. But as I'm sure any of my wise friends would tell me, who ever really knows where they are headed, and what will, in the end, be most important to us?

So, to close, I want to leave you with a little (possibly humorous) anecdote that may give you a better idea of what my life motto is at the moment: At my homestay, chez the Charoys, there were 3 adorable postcards with clever humour-philosophical sayings (for those of you who may recognize, they were from Les Devises Shadok) pasted up on the wall in my bathroom that I would read everytime I was in there...doing my business... One of them for some reason became especially impressed upon my mind, such that I can now recite it by heart: Quand on ne sait pas où l'on va, il faut y aller, et le plus vite possible.

In English, roughly: When you don't know where you're going, you just have to go, and as quickly as possible. I had to think long and hard about that one to figure out what it meant exactly, and whether it made any sense, but now, after yes, a month of thinking, I think I am starting to get it, and I think it makes a great deal of life motto sense, if not exactly rational sense.

And with that, I leave you, my readers (if you're still out there!), until the next time I have internet/enough energy to post (I will be traveling to a new part of France daily with my parents for the next two weeks). I hope all is well chez vous, wherever you are and whatever you're doing. Until next time, salut!